P.S. This is how real men eat cake.

To My Little Man

On July 2oth, 2007 the weather went bellow 26 degrees for the first time in 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks my mom had been down waiting to meet her little grandson. I of course was convinced that he would be early, so insisted she should be as well. Oh little do I know! I had been to my doctor a day earlier and she had agreed to have me induced if there was a bed available. We waited all day, with now luck. After phoning and letting the nurses know I was available AT ANY TIME to have this baby, my mom and I went to see "Hairspray". Of course with 20 min left of he movie, the hospital phones to tell me they have a bed, if i can make it there within the hour. We rushed home, got ready, and John and I raced to the hospital. Where we waited.

After meeting my doctor, meeting the potential surgeon, having the surgeon tell my doctor that she will not be needed, I finally got a bed. I was induced, and left to wait in agony. I lasted a good hour, then begged for and got my epidural.... god bless that man. To make a long story short, after waiting it out, telling the doctor every time he saw me that i was NOT going to have a c-section.... I was guilted into it after finally dilating to 8cm. Who can argue with an "educated" surgeon who tells you that your baby could be in danger. (this is not the time to get into my c-section conspiracy theory)

Well, i soon forgot about being strapped to a table and chocking on my vomit during this wonderful operation.... because this is what i got to hold onto while I recovered.

Isn't he beautiful.

Now my little Miles Gavin Clarke has turned 1, he is just as beautiful but not quite as quiet. He amazes me every hour of every day with the way he smiles and laughs. He loves to give me kisses, and giggles like a crazy man while his big sister makes him laugh. The sweetest part of the day is when John's car pulls into the driveway and i hold him up to the window. He kicks his feet and screams, "DA, DA, DA".

We love our little man, and can't imagine what the world was like with out him!
Happy Birthday Miles!

The Day Ava Took Back Some Power

Now this afternoon starting out like any other, little did i know it would be so monumental!

This will forever mark the moment in time where my little girl realized that she had the power.

No matter how badly I begged her to smile nicely for the camera, this is what I ended up with.

She really thought it was the funniest thing ever. After every "face" she would ask to see the picture, and follow with hysterical laughter while saying, "I'm so funny mommy!"

And as badly as I wanted to get all serious and take a good picture, I look back and think what i got was great!

New World Order

"When you don't fit in, you become superhuman. You can feel everyone else's eyes on you, stuck like Velcro. You can hear a whisper about you from a mile away. You can disappear, even when it looks like you're still standing right there. You can scream, and nobody hears a sound.

You become the mutant who fell into the vat of acid, the Joker who can't remove his mask, the bionic man who's missing all his limbs and none of his heart.
You are the thing that used to be normal, but that was so long ago, you can't even remember what it was like. "
Nineteen Minutes, Jodi Picoult


In the last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about bullying. The above mentioned book, as well as a movie I watched, both dealt with it and therefore left my mind to run wild.

Now I have tried to recall bullying when I was in school, but am drawing a blank. Sure things were said about people, there was the gossip, the rumors, and the odd fist fight. We have all believed that the scales of balance were invented especially for high school. In order for one to feel happy, look cool, or be popular, another must feel horrible, look stupid and be a loser. But in all the corners of my brain that I have searched, I do not recall any of the evilness you hear of today. I do not remember someone being broken by others, there were no cell phones to text your lies city wide within the hour. I actually heard a group of elementary kids were putting drugs in another child's drink at school! Part of me just refuses to believe that this could possibly go on!

I don't know what else to say about this. I want to know when and how kids got to be this way, and why their parents don't know this is going on. I realize from living in this world, that kindness has become the exception and no longer the norm but that can change.... right?

How do you tell teach these kids that what you do matters? How you treat people MATTERS!

4 little toofers and counting.

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
unknown (but clearly delusional)

Everyday i am reminded how different my babies are. Ava was my mellow little mommies girl, who never strayed too far from my leg. (even after she learned to walk) She LOVED to cuddle me, and never put a thing in her mouth. Miles, polar opposite in all things mentioned, and even more. Things like sleeping, nursing, weening, crawling, walking, and now teething. Ava showed some discomfort from the first tooth, she got pretty fussy, and really clingy. That was the extent! Every tooth after was just a surprise. Miles has 4 teeth, 2 up, 2 down. His bottom 2, he had a fever, runny poop, diaper rash, wouldn't eat, and just really slowed down. The top 2, brought with them more of the same. Now he has 2 more coming in on the sides, and last night at 12:30 he woke up screaming. I changed his bum, and this horrible rash had literally sprung out of no where! We put a fresh diaper on right before bed, and this rash was already bleeding a bit. The poor baby screamed and thrashed in pain every time i tried to wipe it. After airing it out, and smothering it in cream, i rocked him through is cries.
Besides running into things and falling, my kids have never been in real gut wrenching pain. (my gut doing the wrenching) Words can not describe how you feel when your child is clinging to you and there is nothing you can do to ease their suffering. All i could think of was to cry along with him, so that is exactly what i did.

Pancakes and Sausage

Expressions from the heart.

Today i took the kids down to the main street in our community. Once a year during Stampede, they put on a nice pancake breakfast complete with popcorn, a marching band, and of course.... a ball pit. There was much more to do, but the line ups were craziness! All together we were there for around 3 hours... and only accomplished 2 things. The kids couldn't care less. Ava ate "most" of her breakfast, enjoyed the marching band, and had a BALL in the ball pit. If only we could all squirm around in a bunch of rainbow colored plastic!